Understanding what is happening can help us cope
Q: My wife recently passed away. How do I live without her? I feel lonely and lost.
A: My heartfelt condolences for your loss. The grief you are experiencing can feel overwhelming and unbearable. Heartbreak following the death of a loved one is challenging; it begins in the mind, but impacts the entire body, heightening stress and affecting your senses.
What is happening
After a significant loss—be it a death, job loss, divorce, or other major life transition—grief manifests in stages. It’s crucial to process these emotions to rediscover a sense of resolution. Healing isn’t about “getting over” the grief but integrating the loss into your life to restore meaningful living.
What to do
The loss of your wife will forever shape your life. Here, we explore how engaging your five senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch) can enhance your well-being. By embracing experiences of belonging, continuity, sociability, security, and adventure, you can transform feelings of loneliness into a journey toward thriving.
Sense of belonging: Social bonds are essential for fostering a sense of belonging, a core human need. Our senses facilitate these connections—eye contact and shared moments evoke feelings of acceptance. Engaging in community activities or reconnecting with friends can help rebuild that sense of belonging, offering comfort during your grief. This sense of connection not only alleviates loneliness but also reminds you that the love you shared continues to be felt by those around you.
Continuity: Our senses help maintain a sense of self amidst change. Memories tied to our senses connect past experiences with our present and future selves. Surrounding yourself with familiar sights, sounds, and smells can reinforce your identity. Creating a memory shrine with photos and meaningful items can serve as a comforting reminder of shared moments with your wife, enhancing your sense of continuity in daily life. Embracing traditions you shared can also provide a structured way to honor her memory while merging those lived experiences into the present.
Sociability: Senses play a vital role in social interaction and relationship-building, integral to our social health. Feeling loved and valued is often activated by sensory experiences like eye contact and shared meals. Consider joining a support group or reaching out to friends; these interactions can foster a healing environment, allowing you to process your feelings in a shared setting. Participating in social activities can also distract your mind from grief, gradually helping you to feel connected to the world outside your sorrow.
Security: A sense of security is crucial for both mental and physical health. Our senses help us assess our surroundings. Engaging in activities that promote safety—like listening to familiar music or surrounding yourself with comforting textures—can reduce anxiety. Establishing a routine that incorporates pleasurable sensory experiences can create a sense of stability during unpredictable emotional times. Additionally, personal practices such as breathing deeply in a quiet space or gentle exercise can further cultivate a sense of security, allowing you to ground yourself in the present moment.
Adventure: Embracing new experiences and stepping outside your comfort zone can ignite a sense of adventure and adaptability. Engaging your senses in new activities—like trying a different cuisine or exploring nature—can foster excitement and self-discovery. Consider planning small outings or trying out hobbies that slowly encourage exploration, helping you connect with life in fresh ways. Seeking new adventures can remind you that life still holds beauty and joy, encouraging personal resilience as you navigate your emotions.
Healing through grief
While the journey through grief can be painful, it often leads to profound healing and personal growth. Allowing yourself to grieve is an essential step in honoring your wife’s memory and processing your emotions. Writing in a notebook, engaging in creative arts, or talking with others can assist in articulating your feelings, providing a clearer path toward healing. Through this process, grief can transform into a deeper understanding of love, loss, and introspection.
Conclusion
Our senses are not just tools for perceiving the world; they are deeply intertwined with our emotional and psychological well-being. By focusing on belonging, continuity, sociability, security, adventure, and healing through grief, you can navigate your journey and gradually move toward a place of hope and renewal.
Karen Casanovas, PCC, CPCC, CLIPP is a health and wellness professional coach practicing in Anchorage. If you have questions write to her at info@karencasanovas.com.
